How Do You Get the One You Want?

Thursday, 26 May 2011 12:56

As a coach, lots of people ask me: how can I find the "right one"?  How can I meet the love of my life?  How can I meet the person of my dreams?

Do you know how to get the one that you want?  Here are some steps that will take you to the person who is looking for you:

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Do you Want a Love that is Real?

Monday, 23 May 2011 13:25

When it comes to falling in love, if the object of your affection looks good, sounds reasonable, and seems to feel the same way you do, you may not get it that he or she is not what you think they are.  Even your friends and family could be fooled.  You may hear people say, “You two are just the perfect couple.  You are so lucky to have found each other!”

What’s going on here?  People will often give you the opinion you want to hear.  (Or the opinion they would like to hear if they were in a relationship.)  So you have to be aware of the red flags when you meet someone.  Especially if your vision is blinded by a rush of chemicals.  Combine that chemistry with hope, loneliness, and longing… and you might not be able to see if it’s real or not.

What are the defining characteristics when it’s real?  And what are the warning signs that you need to pay attention to?  Here’s the deal: fake love fades away or evaporates quickly when the chemistry wears off.  But love endures, showing up in the actions and deeds of the two people.  If you’re in a relationship, pay attention to:

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How Do You Find Love?

Thursday, 19 May 2011 18:13

In Yvonne Oswald's book, "Every Word Has Power," she makes a strong case for the fact that you can only love someone else as much as you love yourself.  The more you are connected with yourself, the better you can connect with others.

I have written often of the high energy emotions of excitement, enthusiasm, joy, and happiness, and how when you radiate this kind of electricity, you not only shine...you attract!  But what can you do if you're not having these feelings?  Think about the following:

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How Come… The Ones I Want Never Want Me?

Monday, 16 May 2011 20:34

I once had a letter from a reader that said it all for a lot of people.  I often hear variations on this theme:

Tonja,

I am so tired of the fact that finding and keeping a relationship is so much work.

First of all, I don’t need a man to make me OK. I am amazed that so many people automatically “expect” so much after just meeting someone. It seems like just because I am single, men assume that because they are interested I automatically feel the same way.  Why are the ones I am interested in never interested in me?

I have dated sporadically for the past ten years or so, I have been divorced for twenty, and I had been in a “mini” nowhere marriage. Do I need to be concerned that I am not interested in going out and looking for someone to date?

I have tried the Internet, with no success. I don’t drink, smoke, or use drugs, which limits a lot of people.  Is Mr. Right going to knock on my front door?  It seems like such a hassle to try to meet people, and go through all of the “get to know you” stuff.

I am SO Fed Up

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