Planning the Holidays When You Are Single
Written by Tonja Monday, 28 December 2009 00:00
When planning the holidays when you are single, does it seem like the rest of the world is going two-by-two, in step to the beat of the "Little Drummer Boy" while you march to the tune of "Only the Lonely?" Finding yourself alone at this time of year doesn't match the pictures of holiday togetherness depicted in television commercials. But there is hope.
Planning the holidays when you are single is like anything else in life. You have to plan for it and do some work. This holiday season, why not try making it one worth remembering? When planning the holidays when you are single think about the following:
How To Meet Someone Over The Holidays: Listen Carefully
Written by Tonja Monday, 21 December 2009 00:00
When the holidays come around, you may have more opportunities than usual to meet someone. Do you know what people find most attractive in others? The ability to listen.
Listening is a skill, an art, and a way of life. When singles are good listeners, they become attractive. Men look for women who are gracious listeners. Also, after years of working with single women who would like to find a mate, I have discovered that all of them say, “I would like to find someone to talk to who is a good listener.”
Do you know how to meet someone at a holiday party this year? Have you ever noticed that the most plain, ordinary-looking guy or gal will wind up leaving with someone wonderful? Why them, over someone smarter, better-looking, or more financially successful? Because they were friendly, asked good questions, and listened. Listening fully is when you pay very close, exquisite attention to what is being said, what is going on, and what is happening around you and within you.
Read more: How To Meet Someone Over The Holidays: Listen Carefully
He Won’t Let Go of the Past
Written by Tonja Monday, 14 December 2009 00:00
Dear Tonja,
I have dated someone for 6 months. We are intimately attracted [but have not had sex]. (We have the same profession, biking interests, and can talk about everything.) He cannot however, let go of the past. (Specifically his live-in girlfriend who he has told, “This is not working”.) He wants to remain friends and for them to continue seeing each other. Tonight we reaffirmed our commitment to each other and each other’s needs.
How can I have him in my life, and in what type of relationship? We did discuss starting a lover’s relationship. He has met my family, and we are making a plan so that I will meet his. What will make him let go of his past? I want him in my life.
M
You Don't Want Games for Christmas
Written by Tonja Monday, 07 December 2009 00:00
What would you like for Christmas this year? Something special? Something not too break-the-bank expensive, loaded with sentiment and thoughtfulness? Lots of gifts fit in those categories, but there’s one type you can do without—GAMES. Naturally, we’re not talking about board games, video games, or sports equipment. When you are single, you want to forget the games people play, the manipulative behavior to seduce someone, and all things false and contrived. Why? Because like attracts like and if you’re playing games to get someone to fall in love with you, you will undoubtedly wind up with… another game player.
To avoid game playing maneuvers that will only bring you emptiness, pay attention to the hollow sounding advice being dispensed in some parts of the culture. Here is some—
Thanksgiving Is An Opportunity
Written by Tonja Monday, 23 November 2009 00:00
Growing up on the stories of the Great Depression, my father entertained us with the trials of how he and mother caught a ride with someone coming to the West Coast. There wasn’t room in the car for their belongings so they tied them in sacks and attached them to the underside of the car. Several hundred miles outside of Albuquerque, and more than a few bumps in the road later, they checked the sacks only to discover they were ripped. Dad said he and mother were picking up their underwear alongside the road from Oklahoma to New Mexico.
I think of these stories now as our country experiences economic trying times. My parents arrived in California begging for jobs in the cotton fields—hoeing and picking. Dad milked cows on the night shift and worked the fields during the day. Mother made a papoose carrier for my sister and took her to the fields while she worked.
They got through those hard times then, just as we will now, with a lot of work ... a little help from their friends. For those of you who can afford the time or resources to be a friend to others this Thanksgiving, it would be a great gift if you could make the effort. Take a minute to look for ways in your community where you can find a family or person in need and make a contribution.
This year, Thanksgiving feels like more of a new beginning than in years past. With job losses and the current economy pressing down on most people, the word Thanksgiving doesn’t spill from the lips so glibly. It has a deeper meaning… and the potential to renew our beliefs and values in surprising ways.
Being single and looking at the Holiday Season through a new lens, here are some of the things you might see this Thanksgiving:
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