Before You Say I Do

Monday, 23 June 2008 00:00

Wedding planners often know something that the bride and groom do not: the wedding is just one day in your life. Before you say "I do," are you realistically ready for years of marriage? So much time and thought go into the ceremony but how much thought have you put into what it takes for a marriage to work?

Before you say "I do," think about the following:

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The Big Secret To Dating: How To Have All The Dates You Want

Monday, 16 June 2008 00:00

Would you like to know the biggest secret to attracting all the dates you want? It's all about your attitude. If you think you can't attract dates, you won't. If you know you can, you will.

How many times have you heard the words, "There's nobody out there"? You may have listened to friends, coworkers, or even your own family, make these statements. If you are single, you might have even said them yourself. But if all the good ones are gone, what about those 110 million single Americans who are looking for someone? Couldn’t there possibly be a good one in the bunch?

The secret to getting the dates you want is to forget what people say, such as, “You’ll never get what you want so you have to take what you can get.” When you have people acting out of that limited view of the world, you have unions that are compromises.

The secret to attracting dates is to not believe that the world is a place of scarcity.

To have all the dates you want with the people you want, try the following:

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Looking for Love – Online

Monday, 09 June 2008 00:00

Sara, a 50-year-old teacher who was divorced for ten years, was looking for a guy-friend online. When she finally met someone, they emailed, sent texts, talked on the phone for hours, and began to exchange gifts. Living in different parts of the country, they couldn’t afford to meet right away. But in the meantime, he listened sympathetically to her problems, reassured her she was a beautiful person, and said all the right things for months. He encouraged, validated, and soothed her. He read her poetry, quoted passages from inspiring books, and shared visions of the life he wanted to have with her. She was totally and unwaveringly in love with him.

Then he shared his worry and stress about money. He said he lost his job and was behind in child support payments. Without flinching, she insisted on borrowing money and sending two thousand dollars. A month later, he said if he could afford it, he would fly out to see her. She sent him a thousand dollars to cover air travel and expenses. She never heard from him again. When she searched for him, she discovered that his post office box had been closed, his cell phone was discontinued, and that he had used a phony name!

If you are looking for love online, you need to beware of the economic and other hazards you could run into. Here are the warning signs:

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Abused Women Can Succeed - How To Start Over And Be Successful

Monday, 02 June 2008 00:00

Abused women often think their lives are over and that they are trapped. Isolated, tending to children, and/or having a lack of job skills keep them from being able to make other choices.

Abuse is an old issue for most abused women. One woman told me that when she first met her husband he neglected to tell her he was married. Once she found out, she told him they couldn't live together. Within a year, he was divorced.

She said that in the beginning of their relationship, he was verbally and physically abusive. He was also a heavy drinker. She left a couple of times, only to go back because she said she couldn't support herself, felt she couldn't find anyone better, and, because it was what she was used to doing.

She finally moved out. She went to a therapist to cope with the separation from her husband and the sexual child abuse she experienced when she was 12. Then she met someone she calls Jay, at a local bar and restaurant. She thought he was her soul mate. Then she found out he was married. She couldn't handle the stress of repeating her pattern of selecting another married man and said she called up her ex. She knew this wasn't the right thing to do but she said she needed someone. She and her husband went to therapy together, but he started drinking and abusing her soon after she moved back in.

Now, she is back where she started. She's miserable and confused.

Almost always, an abused woman was abused in childhood. It is hard to understand how difficult it is to change those patterns.

Abused women are often unable to see the obvious red flags of danger in potential relationships. Lying, cheating, job problems, and drinking are signs that most people would run from. But, for them, the roar of fear is louder than any common sense, unfortunately. They are afraid to be alone.

If you are an abused woman, let’s take a look at the “payoff” for staying in a hopeless, abusive situation:

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