You Don't Want Games for Christmas
Monday, 07 December 2009 00:00
What would you like for Christmas this year? Something special? Something not too break-the-bank expensive, loaded with sentiment and thoughtfulness? Lots of gifts fit in those categories, but there’s one type you can do without—GAMES. Naturally, we’re not talking about board games, video games, or sports equipment. When you are single, you want to forget the games people play, the manipulative behavior to seduce someone, and all things false and contrived. Why? Because like attracts like and if you’re playing games to get someone to fall in love with you, you will undoubtedly wind up with… another game player.
To avoid game playing maneuvers that will only bring you emptiness, pay attention to the hollow sounding advice being dispensed in some parts of the culture. Here is some—
Bad Advice:
- Don’t Be Yourself
It is true that as a single, you want to show up with your best self. But pretending to be someone other than you is exhausting, deceptive, and sets you up to always be masquerading. If you think there is nothing good about you to present to others, then you don’t need to be working on your dating life. You need to get some help to discover and appreciate your own unique persona. Posing as someone else is—game playing. This holiday season, dare to be you.
- Be Aloof
If you act like a cold “I don’t need anyone” type of person when someone is trying to meet you, it will probably bring you the opposite of what you want, which is being left alone. If someone does pay attention to you because of that kind of behavior, you may attract people who are into “the chase.” They like breaking down your walls, and eventually, breaking your heart. There is truth to the fact that you don’t want to be needy, desperate, and dying to be noticed. Those qualities are not attractive. But playing the game of being hard-to-get in hopes of magnetizing the opposite sex will only bring you someone as insincere as your actions. This game doesn’t work if you want a lasting, trustworthy, and loyal relationship. If you have a life you are proud of, you can be as friendly and discerning as you want. You are in charge of you, and an honest, successful, genuine person does not need to play the aloof game. You’ll attract everyone by being your warm, dignified self.
- Have Pick-up Lines
Anyone using glib pick-up lines is not attractive. You don’t want to use them and you don’t want someone who does. And if you do use a line, and someone falls for this false flattery, this is not going to be the most stable, secure person in the bunch. People who use pickup lines and seek to stroke others in order to have power over them are usually manipulative, controlling, insecure, and out of touch with their integrity. Further, anyone who is desperate enough to believe shallow praise and is willing to accept superficial compliments needs to find genuine ways to build their self esteem.
When you’re out socializing, say hello to people, ask their name, and introduce yourself. If they are receptive, take it from there with questions about where they’re from, what they do, and what they enjoy when they’re not working. If they’re acting remote, move on. They may be playing the game of being cold—or, maybe they are cold. It doesn't matter. If you value the life you have built—you won’t want to play this game.
- Women Should Not Approach Men
Didn’t this behavior go out with the Victorian era? I coach all my clients, men and women, to be the “chooser.” That means to develop an awareness of who you want to talk with when you are out meeting people. Women do themselves a great disservice when they are afraid to strike up a conversation. As a woman, if you are standing there waiting to be “found” and you don’t make an effort to talk to people, you probably should be wearing a comfortable pair of shoes because—you may be standing there a long time. Certainly, no man or woman wants to be cornered or stalked by someone who is desperate. But if a nice person (you) comes up to say hi to someone, it can only be perceived as flattering. When you go out, you absolutely want to scan the room to see if there is anyone who looks interesting. If you catch someone’s eye and you elicit a smile, move close enough to say hello. Really great guys (and girls) are not turned off by friendliness. What does turn them off? Games.
It’s the holiday season. Think about what you’d like to give yourself this year. You deserve an enduring present that attracts people all year long. What would that be? Knowing how to extend friendliness, kindness, and a genuine interest in others—minus any games.