Are You Allergic To New Dating Ideas?

Monday, 30 January 2012 20:34

In a recent journal of Psychological Science, a research study reported that people are often allergic to creative ideas.  They’d rather keep trying the old way of doing things—even if they don’t get the results they were hoping for—than risk a new behavior.

I find this information in sync with my own experience coaching singles.  Whenever suggestions are made about how to go about meeting someone, and those suggestions are different from traditionally held views on being asked out or finding dates, those ideas are often met with fear, disbelief, or humor bordering on sarcasm.  “Different” approaches to dating are not always considered reliable options.   The looks on people’s faces suggest I have just urged them to leap from a speeding train.  Obviously, they would prefer to stick with the tried and familiar dating practices of old—even if they aren’t working for them.

Recently, I asked a group of singles to list the places they had visited where they could engage in meeting someone, like coffee shops, the gym, seminars, hikes, bike trips, social gatherings, religious based groups, singles based get-togethers, reunions, neighborhood parties, sports events, conferences, trade shows, and Internet dating sites.  Then I asked them to write down the amount of time they had spent in these places and the number of people they had talked to, networking to meet someone for dating.  What was the astonishing answer to the above?  Almost zero.

What were these people DOING to meet someone?  Waiting.  Waiting for someone to come along and find them.  Some of them were waiting to lose weight, get a better job, move out of their parent’s basement, inherit some money, or for their kids to grow up.  But essentially…everyone was just waiting.

How about trying some new ways to meet someone instead of waiting for life to happen?  Why not develop a plan?  Start with polishing your profile and posting a better picture for your dating site.  Try asking five people if they know someone wonderful who is single that they could introduce you to.  Then…next week, ask five more.  Attend some single’s events, take a class or a seminar, or show up at a local group that does something you’re interested in.  Fight your allergies to being afraid of new ideas by trying one at a time.  Seize your courage…and a box of Kleenex if that helps…because there’s no better time to build your immune system than now.