Someone to Come Home to

Monday, 19 July 2010 00:00

Often, however, in the search for that special someone, people can make some unfortunate decisions. They choose someone unsuitable because they are:
Unable to face their fear of being alone.
Jaded and pessimistic because their previous relationships did not work out.
Without role models of good relationships.
Willing to settle for someone who is “almost right.”
Confused about how to meet someone.
Clueless about what their relationship requirements are.

In all of the above situations, people wish they could find “The One,” but have given up hope.  How do you find that person who you think of as your “home”?

You need to:

Find your courage
It’s so easy to give in to fear… and so hard to live with the consequences the rest of your life.  There are all kinds of fears.  Fear of never finding someone to love can lead you into settling for a relationship with someone who is not available… as in, married. Fear of rejection can keep you housebound, never going out or reaching out to meet people.  Fear of making “another mistake” can keep you from growing and evolving into the person you desperately want to be.  It takes courage to stick with the fear—and do the right thing anyway.  It takes gumption to not allow the rest of the world to tell you that you’ll never find a great romance.  Yes you can.  Courage is getting up every day and putting yourself out there to learn and grow and meet people—whether you’re afraid or not.

Find your kindness
It’s surprising how few people understand the old saying, “What you put out there comes back.”  You can’t expect to be rude, impatient, or insensitive to the people in the checkout line in the grocery store and then think you can switch to warmth and charm when you’re meeting someone new in a social situation and think that’s going to work for you.  If your life is so stressed you can’t take the time to smile at people everywhere and ask them how they’re doing, maybe you need to start giving some kindness to yourself by learning to decompress.  Ask yourself what you need to do to laugh, play, and get quiet for a few minutes everyday.  See if you can pinpoint the areas where you are not paying attention to your very human needs.  If you are judging people harshly, stop and look at the ways you might be too hard on yourself.  And even if you aren’t spouting negative opinions, if you’re thinking them, the people around you pick up on your critical attitude and send it right back to you.  Spread some kindness—and watch it come back.

Find a life
Do you want to find your home?  Then you will need to put the foundational bricks in place to build one.  Without bricks, or a plan in place to work on them, you are an unformed person.  You need:

A network of friends (and professionals) who support you.  To have friends, you have to be a friend.  Keep a distance from people with self-destructive habits and pessimism and gravitate to those who are accomplished and adhere to their values.

Financial reserves to give you safety.  Saving your money, protecting your resources, and living below your means takes some maturity.  But when you can take care of yourself financially, you won’t feel desperate.

A career… or career plan. It’s hard to have a home if you don’t know how you’re going to take care of yourself.  This is not an option in your life…it’s a requirement.

Hobbies you love. Activities that capture your imagination or enthusiasm give you balance.  You need these so you don’t become all work and no play—which will make you more than a dull boy or girl.

Purpose. If you are going to work solely to make money, and you are not making a contribution to anyone else, your life is going to be very one-dimensional.  Answering your unique calling in the way you will serve others is another path to finding yourself.

Do you want to come home to someone?  Come home to yourself first by opening the door to your courage, kindness, and the life you love.  Once you do that, you’ll find “the someone” you want who’s looking for you.