Are You Memorable?
Monday, 09 November 2009 00:00
This week, I was out brushing my horse, Jake, and thinking about the guy who used to shoe our horses as a kid. I could instantly hear the clang—clang—clanging of his hammer as he shaped the iron shoe to fit the horse’s hoof. We called him by his last name, Doolittle, and he talked with nails between his lips as the smell from the hot horseshoe placed on the hoof rose and filled the air with a pungent odor. He called me Gabby because I talked...a lot... as he hammered and listened. I can still see his big weathered hands, leather apron and crooked smile. Between his distinct style, laid-back approach to life, and his way of making you feel special, who could forget someone like this?
When you’re single, you need something that gives you a memorable persona. You might not want to smell like an old horse blanket but if you want to make a lasting impression in the dating world, maybe there are some tips from an unforgettable farrier that could come in handy:
- Listening like you care
There isn’t a soul on the planet that doesn’t want to be heard, cared about, and seen for their good qualities. When you put your own agenda aside and listen to the other person—not waiting for your moment to take over the conversation, but paying attention to what value you can contribute to their sharing—you will be sought after. To be a good listener, practice reframing what you have heard the person say, and then ask a question. This shows that you are actually absorbing what has been shared and care enough to hear more.
- Compliments and special names
Do you give and receive compliments with ease? Do you mention to the person you’re talking to that it sounds like he has an interesting job, or you like his funny stories, or that you’ve even noticed his gloriously blue eyes? Or do you just stand there and notice, but not say anything? If you do think these kinds of things, speak up. Let people know that there’s something special about them. And if they have a bright sunny smile, go ahead and call them Sunshine. They’ll be waiting for you at the barn door the next time you come to visit because…they like your attention.
- Unique characteristics
You may not want to show up at a social gathering talking with nails between your teeth, but if you think about it, you have something in your life that distinguishes you from everyone else. Did you once write an article on peacocks because you never forgot the bunch of peacock feathers in a vase your grandmother used to have on her living room coffee table? Did you once try a jump off the ramp on your bike in front of all your friends in high school and land with a splat worthy of being shown on America’s Funniest Home Videos? Did you have the role in community theatre as Peter Pan and fly into the stage curtains by accident? If you have no hobbies or interests that you can talk about then perhaps that is an immediate goal you need to pursue. Nothing is more attractive than people who light up with enthusiasm when they talk about their life, telling the very real stories about themselves.
- An attitude of allowing
People who have time to listen to what kids have to say and engage them in conversation like old Doolittle did are usually pretty allowing of others to be just the way they are. When people feel they have to guard their words, or not talk about where they’re from, or feel embarrassed about what their parents did for a living, they aren’t going to seek you out. And you may not agree with every opinion someone has—but can you allow the person to have it without making a scene? Naturally, you should have your own ideas about politics, or sports teams, or the best colleges, but can you express your thoughts without spitting fire at the same time? Expressing your beliefs, ideas, or considerations is attractive. Getting hostile about them is not.
- Your own style
Finding your style in clothes, hair, scent, and overall attitude of appearance is helpful if you want to make a clear and memorable presentation of who you are. Men and women both often make an assessment in three minutes as to whether they are attracted to someone. So if you leave the house not looking like yourself and have haphazardly thrown yourself together to run to the store, you may not be able to attract your great date or ideal mate should you bump into them. You might as well wear a leather apron and carry a hammer and anvil—at least you’ll be remembered.
I love all farriers. They remind me of Doolittle—which reminds me of a time when I felt seen and heard and when it was okay to be a little bit gabby.